Refocusing my eyes...

Well when I started writing this blog it was with a completely different mind set.  I have been reading Unchristian by David Kinnaman, and I had been thinking about how the church has hypocritical.  I need to a better job of not acting like I have "all together"and being more authentic. As you know, I have two kids, and I can't pump out a blog and then post. I have to work on it pieces until I am finished.  I woke up early one more last week and was nearly finished. Only it didn't save. I was so upset. Thankfully, it was because God wasn't finished with me. I'll write about that later! 


I have bitten off quite a lot. Without sounding like I'm patting myself on the back, I just want to say I'm memorizing, reading, and studying. I am so excited about several of those commitments right now, when  I do have a free moment its hard for me to decide which one to do. It's easy to be excited about things like this when being lead by the spirit. The Lord has just pumped me with some Holy Spirit "energy" these past few weeks. However, Monday and Tuesday of this were especially "bubble bursting", this lead to a pretty bummed out Wednesday.  This was something I wrote that day,

"I woke up heavy-hearted today. This is ironic to me, since I am memorizing James and the first thing he addresses is to count it joy! So today, I've been repeating James words to comfort my heart. "

Without even thinking of these occurrences, I asked Lance to pray for me, I said, "For about 3 days it has been extremely hard to want to memorize scripture. In fact, I didn't even learn 1 new verse.  My bible study was especially difficult, and I found it hard to put anymore thought into other than answering the questions."  Lance brought it to my attention that I have been worrying.  He said, "Worrying makes everything worse...you aren't doing anything while you are worrying, the worrying takes all your energy, then you are left still not wanting to do anything."  As country as it sounds, he hit the nail on the head.

This reminds me of Peter and Jesus walking on water.  Peter had faith and trusted Jesus as he stepped onto the water.  Peter walked on water as his eyes were fixed on Jesus.  Once he remember the waves and felt the wind, he took his eyes away, and focused on the fierce storm.  He lost faith and trust in Jesus as he feared the storm. Peter began to sink.  Peter was able to walk on water with Jesus' power, and when he feared the storm, he began to sink.  

Dear Lord, I have taken back my trust. I am more afraid of the storm than in what you can do. I know that I can hide in you, because you are working all things together for my good. Even if this situation doesn't turn out the way I want, I know that you will hold my hand through it. You will supply all my needs. I love you Lord. 

I worried so much that I was worn out!  I was functioning on my own, without the power from God.  Essentially, I was zapping my out strength. Most of the time, our house is filled with joy and laughter; Noah is the silliest little boy I know (I might be a little bias). However, when doubt and fear enter our worlds, then joy escapes.

The world may make moms feel like our job is insignificant, but it is the most important job on this earth.  Noah and Anna's first experience and witness to what faith and trust looks like is in our home.  The Lord is able to mighty things even in my house; Am I going to keep my eyes on him? Or look at the storm coming our way?

I want to be an abiding Mother...

So I'm standing in the kitchen feeding Anna, while Noah is playing basketball in the living room. Noah was suppose to eat lunch 45 minutes ago, but we got home a little late from bible study. We only have one highchair, so Noah has to wait for Anna to eat lunch before he can eat his.  He is trying to get inside of Anna's bouncy seat (which he weighs too much for). I must mention that Noah is playing basketball with not only a basketball, but with a kickball, football, and a bouncy ball. For some reason, he keeps making this awful sound...its like a yell, but its more of a grunt.  He makes this sound when he is unhappy. I try to tell him that this sound is not nice, and try to verbalize his needs. 

When I think about the mom I want to be, my mind often goes to the movies I see on tv. With the mom standing in the kitchen with an apron on. By the way, I never wear an apron... I don't really have issues with getting food on my clothes, but the "perfect" mom in my head always has an apron on. There are cookies baked, and she talks in a cheerful and joyful voice. She is full of joy and encourages her children. Her children are happy and well behaved. This reminds of someone...the virtuous woman of proverbs: 
"She watches over the ways of her household, 
      And does not eat the bread of idleness.
       ²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
      Her husband also, and he praises her:
       ²⁹ “ Many daughters have done well,
      But you excel them all.”
       ³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
      But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. "

Proverbs 31:10-31

In my world... I'm standing in a kitchen, which looks a whole lot like my dream kitchen: clean and welcoming. However, I don't have baked goods, everyone isn't walking around smiling and talking in a cheerful voice. My children are screaming, disobeying... I have a 21 month old and 6 month old. We are still learning how to obey.   My husband called my son a "poo poo butt" one day while changing his diaper. Noah insists on repeating that even though he knows that is not a nice thing to say.  It seems like Noah is always in "trouble" and things are always hectic! This is not the picture I have in my mind of the atmosphere I want for my home. 

A lot of times I sit back and say, "One day...when my kids aren't toddlers and babies anymore.." When the issues aren't climbing on the fireplace or getting in Anna's bouncy seat. Then my home will look like I want it to. Then it occurred to me, I'm a mom now. God has called me to be a woman/mother who fears the Lord in all I do NOW. These very moments that I have are going to shape my children. It will shape who they are now, who they will become, and the atmosphere of my home and family in the future. So if what I want my attitude as a mom, and my atmosphere of my home to be that of the virtuous woman in proverbs, then why do I walk around so defeated? Frustrated? Negative? I feel like I am always getting into a rush, and I say things to Noah that I wish I didn't, because I'm frustrated with the situation.  I think the answer is because I am trying to do everything on my own. I am living in the moment. I think I hit survival mode a lot, because there is so much on my plate. When I am in survival mode, then I do what comes naturally to me. That should tell me what I am doing wrong.  Naturally, I'm not going to be the mom that I want to be. Naturally, I'm going to do the things I do not want to do. 

I don't want to live by my nature any longer. I want to live by the spirit. Even though I am a believer, and a child of God, I don't wake up each morning filled with the Holy Spirit. Being filled with the spirit takes the effort of abiding in the Lord daily. When I spend time with the Lord through prayer and through His word, then I can be filled the spirit. This will overflow into my attitude; Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." If I am abiding in Him, then the fruits should be evidence in my life. If I want to be the mother God wants me to be, I have to be filled with the Holy Spirit.  That is so encouraging to me, because now I can be an intentional mom, I can prepared for what's coming next, I won't let my emotions get the best of me.  When Noah is disobedient I can gain wisdom from God verses going on my emotions.  It gives me joy, because often times I walk around my house in a "funk".  I think about how much I would love a break from the kids. When I am being an intentional mom, I want to be around them. Now, I know that it's never going to be the "perfect" atmosphere, and I'll never be the "perfect" mom. However, I know that God has more joy for me and my family. Our preacher talked about abiding this sunday.  The only way I can tap into that joy is by abiding.

Ann Voskamp, I love her site. I follow her blog and enjoy the freebies that she gives.  One of the freebies that she gives is 

A Parenting Manifesto of Joy. On this it says things, like... 

"Today, I will make our house a home of prayer." 

"Today, I will no emergencies". If I am intentional and letting God make my schedule for me, I can avoid emergencies and rushing.   

I love this.." Today, when stress mounts, I will dismount it with gratitude. My stress management plan with my intervention with verbal thanks. I can only feel one feeling at a time, and I choice to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling." This is great! When I am overwhelmed with frustration and when I want to throw my hands up, I can fight feeling with feeling. I find something I am thankful for! I heard something the other day that real struck me. I notice that my husband has had a lot more thanksgiving in his praying lately, and I mentioned that to him. He said someone told him, "What if today you only had the things that you thanked God for yesterday." That really hit home, because I feel like I'm thankful. However, I feel like I am ungrateful more than I'm thankful. I feel like the reason for that is because I'm busy. What is so sad is that I am busy with things that God has blessed me with! He blesses me with so many privileges, and instead of turning it around to thanksgiving, they become idols. So, being thankful is such a wonderful tool we have to stress management. 

    I like number 5, it says, "Speak words that only strong words....grace words...all other words are death words." We have to be so careful what we say. I need to be intentional in my word choice. My words are powerful, most times our words are how we train our children; so our words should be grace words. Our words are shaping our children.  

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."                   John 15:1-4

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4 more days!

We do not go out much when it is cold outside.  Noah does not like this too much, because he gets bored! I try to come up with grand ideas to make the day more fun; sometimes it works, and other times it's a huge disaster! :) One thing that has been a lot of fun is doing our Advent crafts.  We are new to the whole "Advent" season.  I did not even know what Advent meant before this year.  Thankfully I have had a sweet mom share great advent ideas with me. Before doing our Advent devotions, our family devotion time has been random, and ineffective.  What I love so much about Advent is that we are preparing for Christ's birth. This is not something that happens just at Christmas two thousand plus years ago.  Christ is coming into our worlds still today. This came to mind when we were spending some playtime outside because it was warm.  I thought to myself, "This doesn't feel like Christmas!". What does Christmas really feel like anyway? What did Christmas feel like when Jesus was born? Was it cold? I feel safe saying that the temperature of the night wasn't not the main focus.  I'm so thankful for fellow moms sharing ideas with me, because this Advent devotion has certainly altered my perspective of Christmas!  We have 4 more days of preparing for the birth of Jesus. What if we celebrated Christmas all year long?
My best friend, Marissa, is in labor right now! She is about to have sweet Judah William Jenkins! It has been so easy to think about Mary during this time. Only, Mary did not get to pick Jesus' name, because his name was chosen for him: Jesus "The Lord saves". I love that He has lots of other names that we can call on anytime we need Him.

"For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders. 
And he will be called 
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

This means war...

This week has been an eventful one. Lance spent the week in Chicago. I spent Tuesday night and large portion of Wednesday with a fever virus.  My mother-in-law came up to help while I was sick.  
I feel obligated to give this disclaimer before reading. 1. I did not want to blog about this, but the Lord has given me nothing other than this, and keeps telling me that I need to tell others.  2. Also, I believe in spiritual warfare. I know there are angels and demons around us at all times.  There is a battle that is constantly happening between things that are not flesh but of the things of the unseen world. Well, this world has always been unseen to me. I have heard stories from people about seeing "things". I never doubted spiritual warfare, but I have certainly doubted some of these stories. I would always brush it off to a coincidence or maybe they were just reading into it.  

Thursday night I had several people over to my house.  The five people and I encountered this unseen world for ourselves.  At first, I thought that this was something else, I even called the sheriff's office to patrol my neighborhood.  However, after doing this I felt foolish, because this was nothing of this world. Shortly after this happened one of the five explained that this has been happening to him quite often.  I believe that God is using this situation to draw that person closer to Himself. So that night we prayed over this person and are still encouraging him. I will not reveal the details any further, because I'm sure that there are many who will doubt what happened,and think that I have lost my mind! What I do want to say is that whatever happened, whether it was of good or of evil my God is for me! Jesus said, "Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.  Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”
 Satan's plan in all of this is to frighten me. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7).  My best friend, who was there that night said, "This did not scare me that much; I have been memorizing Romans 8. It just reinforces the fact that there is a spiritual battle happen all around us."  These were such faithful words that were comforting to me. However, I can't deny that I was still afraid when I went to sleep. Why was I afraid? Why did I not trust in the Lord's promise that nothing can by any means hurt me? I think that I had my own spiritual battle that night.  Was I going to trust God or let Satan keep me in fear? On Thursday night, I went back and forth. Every sound I heard made my eyes open wide. I am thankful that God's grace is greater than my lack of faith.  God loves me and I am His child.  Are you experiencing fear right now? Singleness? disease? inadequacy? the future? failure? the past?   Whatever your fear is...I want to encourage you- "The Lord is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27: 1"


The Armor of God- Ephesians 6
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Listen and Be nice.

Listen and be nice. Sounds simple, right? When creating boundaries, the child must understand what is expected of them, and there must be consistent consequences for when they do not demonstrate what is expected.  Noah is 20 months old. It's hard to discern if he has the capacity to fully understand some of the expectations I want him to achieve. My daily plea is for guidance from the Lord to know how to create firm but loving boundaries for Noah. I know that my failures will probably have an impact on his behavior, so I need lots of help.
I have learned throughout my education that it is best to create the most simple set of rules, so it doesn't become daunting for the child.  I began to think of what our rules could be, and so clearly the Holy Spirit says, "Obey and Love."  Wow, the same thing that God expects from me! 
"And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 
 I should not ask anything different from Noah. If we love God, we will love others. If we love God we will want to obey Him. To put these in a way a 20 month old could understand, I decided that Listen (obey) and Be nice (love) is the best fit.  No matter what the situation listen and be nice always fit. Even though this seems like the simplest of rules, it applies to me. Am I listening to the Lord? Am I obeying Him? Am I being nice? Am I loving my "neighbor" as I love myself?
What I love most about what God expects from us, is that its not about a list of Cans and Can't. It truly is to simply LOVE... If we love God we will want to obey Him. But I can't simply decide to love God more. I have tried... I have said, "God help me to love you more". God has shown me that in order to love Him more, I have to give him my heart more. I have to surrender my thoughts, my desires, and my inner most parts.  I love the song 'Empty Me' by Jeremy Camp,  "My desire of anything that is not of you and is of me I want more of you and less of me". David wrote Psalm 139 and said, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." 
Speaking of searching me and knowing my heart... We joined Liberty Baptist Church yesterday.  We have known since September that this is where God wants us. I have missed Immanuel, our church in Hattiesburg, so much I think that it has taken us this long to finally be willing to move our membership.  I still miss my dear friends at Immanuel, but I have begun to develop some new ones at Liberty.  I'm very excited to see what God has in store for us there. He has called me to minister to other mothers and to our own generation.  "I've a feeling we're not Kansas anymore" gains a whole new meaning for me. I have only been a christian since March 6, 2007, but in those 5 years I have mainly worked with children. I love children and I have a heart for teaching children, and its comfortable for me there. I was involved with GA's , 5th and 6th grade sunday school teacher, and a leader, then director for Sparks.  I was able to help little ones hide God's word in their hearts, and present the gospel every sunday. It was amazing to see God change so many young hearts, and teaching them truths so that they will not be "tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting" (Eph 4:14). 
 I have always had such a passion for teaching children, but God has placed a burden on my heart to reach out to my own generation.  There are so many young people who do not have a church family.  I have been asking God to help me relate to their feelings so that I could minister to them. Why do they not want to commit to meeting together with the body of Christ? (Heb 10:25) Is it because someone has hurt them? Is it because we are hypocrites? Is it because they are tired of the "church" faces? Is it because preferences and tastes cloud their ability to worship in spirit and truth? It is because some churches put tradition before bible truths? God only knows...  Maybe my generation wants to come to a church with real people, not "churchy" people.  I believe I should be putting my "best" face forward, but I think that my generation is looking to meet the real me, with my real problems.  Maybe they are tired of the cliche things, and simply want to develop relationships with people who are going through the same things they are. God is still working with me on these things, I am left with more questions than answers. In this process, I am trying to empathize with my generation, and hear why they no longer want to go to church... So far, the command I am receiving is to create relationships first. Because it's one thing to tell someone, "God is good, do you want to come to church with me?.." and another to develop a relationship with someone so they will see there is something different in me.  But how does this carry over into building up the body of Christ for my generation?? This has to be put into action at church too. When I'm there I need to minister to those around me and invest in relationships. Then, my generation will be impacted by the love of Christ. I know I will fail at this, but may the Lord give me strength to love my neighbor as myself! Thank the Lord that even though I fail, it doesn't change the unchangeable truths of God's word. 

Lord,    I love you. Thank you for loving me first. Thank you looking into my heart and changing it. Thank you for your Son. Thank you that I am forgiven and counted righteous even though the very best thing I have to offer you is still counted as dirty rags compared to you and your greatness. Thank you that you have blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves you, and two beautiful children.  Help me to use these blessings to honor you and bring glory to your name. Thank you for sending me to Liberty and allowing me to become part of their family. Help me to know the plans you have for me. Give me your eyes so that I can see the needs of others and not be so consumed with the craziness of motherhood. Give me discernment concerning ministry, help to me to know where you are working, and how I should move accordingly. Oh Lord, training my children and teaching discipline is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and it's only the beginning. Teach me to love and obey so that I can teach Noah and Anna how to love and obey. Thank you for the gift of Jesus, it is in His name that I pray. Amen.

The view I love the most...

Here is a glimpse of my sunday...

I was laying on the couch watching Friends, and I was thinking of how I wish I could wrap some presents. Only I haven't bought any yet...minus the power wheels jeep that we bought for Noah. I can't wait to see the excitement on his face whenever he sees it! 

Lately, I have been noticing that life is full of uncertainties! Our renters are two months behind on rent, and that creates all sorts of financial uncertainties, especially twenty days before Christmas. It seems that financial uncertainties are common among a lot of people that I know. So many people are dealing with uncertainties like small bank accounts, divorce, drug abuse, loneliness, brokenness, sickness, change, and more.  All of these are mothers. How do we "deal" with these uncertainties while we wait on the Lord? Isaiah 40 it says, "but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength..." How is the Lord going to renew my strength? I believe that it is knowing that I can rest in the things that are certain.  I may not know if the renters are going to ever pay us. I may not know if we are going to have to kick them out. I may not know if I will need to get a job. But I do know that "My God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory."Phil 4:19- I also know that God is for me. If I could only tell you how many times I have heard that this week!  God has been sending that word to me through everyone and everything!  God is for me, so who can be against me!? (Romans 8) Some of our uncertainties are not "bad" things. Some of our uncertainties are a change in ministry. I know what God is calling me to do right now, but I don't quite know what that looks like.  There are so many questions, but I know that my God is faithful, He is my sustainer, He is the lifter of my head, and He loves me!  

Speaking of loving me... that seems like such a "childish" saying, but it is TRUTH. God loves me! I am always anxious about the things that are uncertain in life, but what am I gaining from it? God has been telling me all week that I need to cling to the things He has promised me. I like this, because these are things I can count on.  Here is a list of certainties our faithful God has promised us.

Romans 8:31

 "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Philippians 4:19

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

Romans 8:37-39

No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Psalm 54:4

"Surely God is my help; The Lord is the one who sustains me."

Psalm 3:3

"But Thou O, LORD are a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter of my head."

Titus 2:11-13

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope--the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ"

Isaiah 41:10

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

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A Parenting Manifesto of Joy

I saw this online and I had to share! It's a free printable from Ann Voskamp http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/11/10-point-manifesto-of-joyful-parenting-free-printable/

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/11/10-point-manifesto-of-joyful-parenting-free-printable/

1. Today, I will make our home a house of prayer. I will pray at set times. And I will invite our children to come move into an interior space that lives with God.

2. Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.

3. Today, I will not have any emergencies. There are no emergencies! Only amateurs hurry.

4. Today, when stress mounts, I pray to dismount it with gratitude. My stress management plan will be intervention with verbal thanks. I can only feel one feeling at a time, and I choose to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling!

5. Today, I will pray to speak words that are only STRONG words, words that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air. All other words I breathe are death words.

6. Today, I will pray to be consistently consistent. I will create safe rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because everyday we are CELEBRATING the gift of now!

7. Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child's behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child.

8. Today, I will hug each of my children as many times as I serve them meals -- because children's hearts feed on touch. I'll look for as many opportunities to touch my children today as possible --- the taller they are, the more so.

9. Today, my priorities will be all Things Unseen.

10. Today, I will laugh! And I will let the little children laugh! I will create a culture of JOY!